I accidentally opened my BBM earlier and found that annoying message from someone I knew. Ugh. I hate reading that message. Even just a glimpse of it makes me mad. But that’s the last message I received from him. Just when I had the courage to say, ‘I miss you’, all he could come up with is, ‘Can we talk tomorrow? I’m just messed up right now.’ Like what the fck! It took me a while to get that courage and all I will get is a lame excuse or a code saying, ‘I don’t want to speak with you.’ I am not expecting any affectionate reply, maybe all I want is a birthday greeting or a question asking how have I been. But damn. You never cared. Oh please. I need you to be out of my life right now. Actually, he’s not in my life anymore. I’m the only sad soul who’s still clinging. Ugh.
My love for sports is enormous. And I hate hearing news about injuries especially on big events such as the World Cup. I’ve been a supporter of Team Brazil just last 2010. They didn’t make the cut before, and I am excited for this year’s World Cup. But just yesterday, I am deeply saddened by the news of Neymar’s injury. I watched the replay, and it’s heartbreaking how he was in pain during that sequence. I cannot believe he will be out for this World Cup series. Yeah, he’s young. 22, right? But it’s his dream. His video showed that he’s been crying. I do not understand a word he says but I feel him. I feel his sorrow. I feel his passion for his sport and I feel how frustrating it is for him not to be able to contribute to his team just when they’re close to the Finals already. It is his dream. He might have another shot on 2018 but no, this year is different. I only wish Neymar the best. I pray for his fast recovery. I’ll pray for Brazil’s success; for his injury and for captain’s suspension. Brazil’s gonna fight till the end. 2014 is theirs to own!
Thank God for today! I am blessed. I am grateful. I had my CMA Part 2 exam today. Believe it or not, I had to take it. I am nervous, but I am positive. The exam is no joke. Tricky questions. Out of the world questions that made me doubt myself if I did prepare for it. But I did prepared. I studied. I am thankful that I made it through the essay. I thank God for helping me with today’s exam. I am praying to pass the exam in its entirety. This will definitely change everything. Please, Lord. Amen.
The Fault in Our Stars. I love the film adaptation. I didn’t read the book. I love the way Gus says ‘Hazel Grace’ most especially how he says her full name. I like their little adventures. I love how Gus is filled with optimism, with greatness ahead of him despite the illness he feels. I like how he gave Hazel the chance to live like a normal teen, somehow forgetting that she has an oxygen tank with her. I love their Amsterdam trip despite the screwed author they both admired. But most of all, I love how these two fell in love with each other. Completely fell in love with each other. Going fall over heals for one another. They’ve found infinity in a matter of weeks, months or days. They found the right person to share their ‘let’s-forget-we’re-cancer-patients’ days. And most of all, they found happiness, comfort and love with each other. I like the film. It’s really good. I almost break into tears. The film makes me wanna fall in love. Yeah, that kind of feeling.
Thousands of miles away. Eight hours difference. But last night, my heart and my thoughts are not with me but with him. Yes, Rafael Nadal. I’ve been following this fine man for years. And it’s the French Open that always gives the tension in his matches. You know for a fact that he’s the King of Clay. That his record at Roland Garros is 64-1, but you can never be sure when it’s Djokovic up against him. I’ve seen Djoker won over him at Italian Open. It was heartbreaking. I did not want to see that kind of ending. Not on his favorite court, not on his beloved city.
Nail bitter finals as expected. But somehow, Djoker slowed down. He made mistakes he do not usually commit. Rafa had his too, but the thing about tennis or perhaps all sports is that, whoever lose their mental strength first, physical strength and the rest would follow. When Djoker showed signs of frustrations, and anger, I knew somehow, Rafa will make it. It was a great fight. A great game, but somehow ended with a double fault from Djoker. But that doesn’t make the game any less brilliant as it was. Both players deserve the crown. That I am convincingly believed at the end of the game.
Djoker deserves it for he battled it all. He’s almost there, but just couldn’t fight the mental toughness Rafa has on his favorite tournament. I know he’ll complete the missing piece of his grand slam. I believe he will, someday!
And as for Rafael Nadal, he deserves his title. 9 Roland Garros title under his name. Most dominant in any court to go down in history. There’s a reason why his birthdate falls during the French Open week. Maybe because he’s meant for this greatness. The determination he has when he plays on clay is incomparable. Congratulations on your 14th. Forget the comparison on Roger’s 17. Forget the doubters. Just keep playing, Rafa. Stay healthy. Because at the end of the day, it’s you that made me love and support, tennis. Vamos Rafa!
I have a headache. Yes. I had two sets of assessments today. The first one, my score didn’t change. The other, was my lowest ever. I don’t want to blame my headache for it. Everyone else is improving. Yet, I am declining. I am sorry for myself. I am down. I feel like I’m trying my best, and yet I still fail. I don’t want to doubt my decision. I have to prove my worth. I don’t want to be another failure. I want to prove that I can. I am having a tough time. I feel bad. I am praying so hard that I won’t fail. I want to succeed. Please. I need my drive back. I need my motivation back. I have to be focused. I have to get this through.
Taking this out again here. If it’s true that Kris is leaving EXO then I am more disappointed in what the translation says the members are saying. Do not use words such as ‘betrayal’ and ‘irresponsible’ when you do not know the emotions that has been piled up there, being the only brave soul to go against your agency. Yes, Kris did this behind their backs. None of them knew. They were caught off guard, and they probably heard the news first from social media. But have you considered the reason why he probably didn’t tell you? Have you considered his feelings? Have you considered how tough it must have been for him? There’s no irresponsibility in standing up for your right because it’s more cowardly to stay in a company where there are no values and respect for people. Yes, I am judging the company. I’ve had enough of their crap that I could say all this.
If Kris decided to leave, I’m definitely with him. I believe EXO will remain active as they are. Fans will go crazy for them. But if you want your fans to continue believing with “we are one”, stop commenting hurtful words. Just support Kris’ actions even if you cannot understand it completely. Because that’s what being one is; being there for each other’s back without a concrete reason. Let’s not make things worst. Allow Kris to think things through. Give SME’s big bosses a time to repent on their sins and do the right thing. And allow EXO, to gather their mind and think again why they believe and why they made their fans believe that they are one.
Believe me, I’ve been through this a lot of times. When Junsu, Jaejoong and Yoochun filed a case, I don’t know how to react. When Jin decided to become a solo artist, I am happy but at the same time I cannot imagine KAT-TUN without the ‘A’. And when Hangeng left, I knew for a fact Heechul will be sad and I’ll miss him too.
The news about Kris lawsuit against SM Entertainment made me feel like that again. I am saddened by the news, but I know who to blame. It’s still SM Entertainment’s fault. Because that agency is all about $$$, they exploit their talents and make groups to setup banks of cash. Get your act up, SME. Be human even for once!!!!
And as for Kris, I am happy wherever you choose to be. I want you to comeback to EXO because you’re Mr. Galaxy. You’re fun, childish and cool all the time. You’re slowly redeeming yourself after loosing your cool image due to Showtime. But, if being locked down in a very unfair and inhumane contract with SME makes you feel bad. I’ll let you go. All your fans will support you where you wish to be. You’ll always be Mr. Galaxy and we’ll stood by you.
I just realize that the hardest question asked to me lately is, “Do you have a boyfriend?” And once they heard the answer, explaining it makes it even more difficult. Obviously, I’m single, and open for a relationship. But, if he’s not gonna come anytime soon, then I’ll just continue waiting.
Today, I went to my university to return my toga, get my refund and finish the necessary requirements for my transcript of records. I am early. At 9am, I basically finished my agenda except that, the system at our university went down. I do not know as to why until now the system always fails us. Just when we need it the most, when there’s a high demand, it will just go down. I am annoyed because the time I could have spent on reviewing went idle as I wait in line till the system is fixed. It was fixed at around 1:30pm but there’s a long line for the payment counter. I have one request, and this has always been a call I’ve been crying for our university cashier. During peak season like enrollment for freshman, enrollment for upper levels and payments for requirements can you please open on time and make sure that the three cashiers are functioning. Such a pain to see many people especially the parents wait in line just when it’s so hot outside. Fixed the damn system. I hate to break this to you, but, I do not see where the tuition fees are going. I do not understand why there’s a separate miscellaneous and other expense line in our COR when there’s no improvement. How can a self proclaimed ‘premier’ university have such a fail system; enrollment wise and just about everything in the admin. Fix this please! I’ve been patient for the past four years about this messed up system of ours.
This sure feels like a familiar place. Been in this situation before. Should I stop pushing myself into fitting for this company I really want to work with since then? Life sucks. You know! The moment you start finding job that’s when you realize that your college friends are your competitors. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for their achievement. I just feel sorry for myself. Tomorrow’s my last try, and after tomorrow if the odds doesn’t go to my favor, I’ll rest and find my way back.
You’re the first person I saw when I reached GSB, and I couldn’t help but smile. I’ve heard you laugh, sing, shout and make fun with your friends. I’m an inch closer to you and realize that you have the height of my ideal guy. I passed a paper to you with a sense of nervousness on my part. I had one last glance; a really sneaky glance for one last time because it’s already goodbye.
Thank you for today. It was probably just 3 days, and 2 hours for today but it meant a lot to me.